4 Weeks In

 Our girl has been in-patient 4 weeks. (5 weeks if you include the prep week; which was equally hard) We're all exhausted. I haven't slept well in 35 days - so ignore the bags under my  eyes if we happen to run into each other.šŸ˜‰ Often times we are back and forth to the clinic, a 40 minute drive one way, multiple times a day...

AND...

to see Ed dying and the light in our girls eyes come back I'd do it all over again. TWICE. She's healthy. She's strong. She has her own opinion. Her voice is louder than Ed's. I often think of Ed as an abusive husband, telling her she is worthless without him. She's kicking him to the curb and filling the place Ed used to live with God and self-love.

It's not easy. I watch her struggle to eat. She's uncomfortable....even in pain, but she does it anyway because she knows it's worth the fight. 

She is worth the fight. 

It almost feels like a rebirth. I look at her with the same pride and joy I did the day she was born - except this time, she did the work. She fought the fight. She chose life.

It won't be long and she'll be transitioning home. I can't wait to have her back under my roof. Home isn't home without ALL of us. 

But, home is also scary. We're talking about triggers. She's shared a few with us and we are eliminating them as best we can. For example, our Master Bathroom was a place she would hide and purge. It felt triggering for her. This weekend, Peter and I redid it. Nothing fancy - some new paint and towels, but it helped. It gave her relief and a smile.

I also have to brag on my other 2 girls when it comes to Leah's recovery. It would have been very easy to be resentful during this time. I  am sure they have had negative thoughts cross their minds, but they have been the most beautiful support system. There is just something about sisters - they love fiercely and watching their connection brings me such JOY! I'm so proud of them!

We are weary yet ready for the next step of this process. If you are a prayer, I'd ask for prayer for the following:

1) Give us energy and strength to fight to "go home" date. Every day feels looooonnnnggg and draining.

2) Our girl keeps Ed in his place. His voice continues to get smaller and smaller until it disappears. (We have been told that as a person gets closer to their "goal health" Ed comes back with a vengeance. He is holding on for dear life because he knows he's on his last breath. He gets loud. Lord, please keep him quiet!)

3) Transition prep and plans as we think about leaving in-patient and transitioning to outpatient treatment.


I found these memes which I think really demonstrate what our girl has had to do to choose recovery. She's brave. We're proud!






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